Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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