i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
