Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
