State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
