Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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