you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize