Having a random hookup so left but love u
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
