you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
