i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
