And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
