ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
