Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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