6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
