You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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