so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
