to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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