did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize