Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
