The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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