I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You're a waste of cheezeits
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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