thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
