How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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