I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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