I just cut my nipple shaving
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
