dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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