You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
