Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
