Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
