Swine flu. Run for my life!
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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