what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
