I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
