But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize