R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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