fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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