all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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