I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
