so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
