Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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