I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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