I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize