Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
