my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
