Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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