She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
