Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
