Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
