I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
