I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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