Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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