His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
