Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
