fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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