so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
