Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
