woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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