My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
