We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
