So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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