I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
