I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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