i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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