I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
