I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
