Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
