i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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