Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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