I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
