Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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