whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
