Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
