So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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