there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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