I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
