I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i now understand why vodka
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
