Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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