I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize