I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
