Duck Duck Cougar?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
