oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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