There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He felt like a one man threesome
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
