Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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