My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Alive.
So much puke
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
