I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
