im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
