i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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