i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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