I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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