Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
