So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
