well I can't set my house on fire every night
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
