you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
And then he peed in my hair
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