i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
