I'm going to jail i love you
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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