He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
